Meetup Anxiety

[Dark Angel]

I haven't been to a meetup in a really long time because back in the day (10 years ago) I had some really bad experiences. I was by far the youngest one there (being only 16) and I was blamed for scratching a one-of-a-kind faceup. I absolutely did not scratch it. I didn't even touch the doll, but I was blamed anyway. Things escalated from there. I won't go into detail, but mistakes were made on all sides. I was overly-dramatic because I was young and being ganged up on, and they were all very elitist and in such a tight-knit group that there was no way I could ever really join.

So here's where the anxiety comes in: there's a meetup literally 4 minutes from my house and I'm going to go. Everything was fine, I was even kind of excited because it's an entirely different group of people. (and most around my age) And then one of the other women joined our group (just a week ago!) and said that she's going to go too.

At first, she was one of the younger members that was very friendly to me, and then the whole "You ruined that faceup" thing happened and she flipped instantly, taking everyone else's side. I'm nervous that she's going to be there, so much so that I don't even want to go anymore. Even though I already took off the time at work and it's so close to home.

I keep telling myself, it's only a hop and a skip away, if it goes poorly, go home. But... I can't help but think: What if she remembers me? What if she starts spreading rumors? What if she damages one of my dolls?

I keep telling myself that I'll have fun, just ignore her and for GOD'S SAKE DON'T TOUCH ANYONE ELSE'S DOLL. (Not that I did before, I was literally tip-toeing through the house because I was so afraid of accidentally knocking over a doll or something.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[DollyKim]

Go enjoy yourself, don't let someone else keep you from doing something because they're a turd. There are a ton of people who will say what they want on the internet but wouldn't dream of saying it in public or to someone's face. Not going lets the a-holes win. It's pizza night, we're not having salad. Boys don't cry.

[Kd_Bunchanumbers]

If it happened 10 years ago like I'm pretty sure the person wouldn't bring it up again especially if they were young at the time and they probably took the popular side of things as a defense mechanism. There was a lot of doll drama back in the day but I think a lot of the older members of the community has mellowed out a heck of a lot especially since we've all matured (like hell I know I was awful ten years ago) and that I think the rise of recasts has basically made everyone a lot more... gracious about cheaper legit dolls and not starting drama over unsubstantiated stuff like scuffs or whatever.

Anyway, go have fun, you're older, more mature and you'll be able to handle things a lot better even if things go wrong than you would have been at age 16. The other person should have matured too in that time, but if not, well, she's only been a part of that group for a week while you've been there a lot longer. The rest of the group is different, they'll react differently and I doubt anyone carries a vendetta against a 16 year old for ten whole years. If they do, well, I certainly wouldn't to hang with people who turn against you for shit you did as a kid.

[K2!]

Go! Have fun! Make new friends! Ignore the assholes! You're doing the doll thing because you enjoy it, so enjoy!

[Kirahfaye]

I so totally understand. Our local group ended up spliting into two groups because of flaky, elistist personalities. Now we have a solid group of people - teens, grandmas, guys, gals and everything inbetween. We even have a Facebook group so we can socialize between meetings.

Once in a great while a few of the other group (which ended up disbanding altogether, btw) have attended our meetings, but we don't put up with drama-llamas and attention hogs and they usually don't come back.

Go - have fun. Don't allow anxiety to keep you from the potential of making new friends who enjoy dolls as much as you do!

[Dark Angel]

Thanks everyone. I won't lie and say that my anxiety is gone, but your words of encouragement do help. I realize it was 10 years ago and by now she should not be holding a grudge, but as you can see, it really stuck with me.

Kirahfaye- The group from ten years ago, most of them have been banned from DoA. Or at least the marketplace. They also shut down their private forum. Interesting, huh?

Kd_Bunchanumbers- You're right, there was a lot of drama back then. I had left the dolly world for five years and was very pleasantly surprised when I came back. Everyone is so much more tolerant of different things. Thank goodness.

[Stormlight]

What everyone else said. Go have fun! Sorry your first meetup was such a failure, but don't let a few bad apples color your perception of the group (and by group I mean the entire hobby) as a whole.

I'm jealous, it's been so long since I've been to a meetup. There used to be a group my side of the state that would meet every couple of months, but every member sort of drifted off. I even used to host a few meetups (which, for me, is a small miracle because I am not a social butterfly AT. ALL.), but I suppose life happened and people moved away or left the hobby or what-have-you. It's been years since I attended (or held) a meet. One of these days I just need to get up my courage and drive to the monthly meets held in another state. lol

[Iwa_Hoshi]

Go have fun. Its nice to have doll meets and being able to see other dolls in person.Drama is an unfortunate side of this hobby. If anything you get to see who's still interested in their dolls at the end of the show. After that, what paths you take for your hobby is your own choice.

As long as you are careful about getting close to other people's dolls and mindful of egos(Take one step back and listen before exploding at any accusations), things should be okay. Folks would have mellow out by now, so just be polite if nothing of the past was mentioned.

If you're worried about other people damaging your dolls, take a pic or two when you unpack them for the meet

Do bring a doll stand.

[Dark Angel]

Thanks Iwa_Hoshi! Great advice about the photo and the doll stand. I will definitely take both of those.

Stormlight, you can come to Michigan! Our Trinities can meet (although I'm not taking her, WAY too heavy)