communication in the social media age

[quidam]

Okay, first off, I really am curious about other people's opinions here, especially if it is different than mine. I know there are people who see this differently than I do, but don't understand the reasoning.

Anyway, the situation that got me thinking: My mother was talking to my Uncle yesterday, and he mentioned seeing her this coming weekend. She had no idea what he was talking about. Apparently they are throwing a graduation party for his grandson, and they made an event page on FB for it. They just assumed everyone who they wanted to be there would notice it. My mom, who might visit FB once a month, obviously missed this "invitation". Now my uncle is mad because she isn't coming , and not understanding why she wouldn't have know about it when it was out there for all the world to see.

I've ran into similar situations with friends after I left FB a few years back. It suddenly became a real hassle for them to have to invite me outside of the mass event page invite. You know, because texting, emailing, picking up a phone, or remembering to tell me in person was such hard work. So for awhile they would complain, and then they just stopped inviting me all together. I was recently told I was like an old lady because I didn't try to communicate on FB like everyone else.

On one hand, yes, it is a bummer to miss out on things (and I do kind of grieve what was the loss of a slowly decaying friendship), but my opinion is that if you really want a person at your event, then you make certain that they know about it. If such and such a person is really that important to you, then you take the time to interact with them outside of FB.

Sometimes I wonder if the guilt lays on people like me, though. Maybe people with my mindset don't try hard enough to connect with people because we don't assimilate what is considered normal communication nowadays. I don't feel I'm a technophobe or anything. Should people like me and my mother just force ourselves to "connect" to people by places like FB, or is it truthfully not worth worrying over people and events you miss when the people in question don't want to take anything outside of the "easy" route?

Truthfully, which way do you go? Opinions on any of this or related topics? If you are someone who loves communication by social media sites, do you also go out of your way to let people who don't bother with them know what is going on?

[zirconmermaid]

I think that if people want you at an event they really should not just count on a FB invitation. Especially if they are close friends and family. I have friends who don't use it at all! Several of them. I do use facebook, but I don't always see the invitations, either. Even though I am on every day! I don't think you should have to feel guilty if you don't want to be on the social media. There is a lot of trash to wade through, and the things that are interesting disappear into the mess and are never found again. That is why I love the forum! I can find the threads I like, even years later. It is like being at a party, you tell everyone to come to your BBQ in two weeks, but what about the people who stepped away? Or were having other conversations. They won't have heard, and if you never mention it again they will never know. In a way, it is assuming that they (meaning the person on FB who issues the invitation or whatever) are the most important thing in everyone else's lives. There are good things about social media, but if someone is a good friend they are going to connect outside it too!

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

Facebook-only invites are all well and good if that's the only way a group of people keep in contact (I'm ignoring things like Facebook groups set up to, at least in part, facilitate meet-ups via Facebook), but if it's not and you want someone there you should follow up another way. Or at least let them know that the only way you will be arranging events from this point forward is through Facebook, but frankly (and I say this as someone who lives online ) with very few exceptions that would rub me up the wrong way and make me less likely to attend. I would let people know if I'd spotted something being organised solely by social media and thought they might not have spotted it.

I have to say, planning an event on just one social media site, unless everyone knows in advance that's where events are going to be planned and so make a habit of checking in regularly (and are or are happy to be members of said site) reminds me a bit of this from Hitchhikers' Guide to The Galaxy...

"But Mr Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine months."

"Oh yes, well as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."

"But the plans were on display ..."

"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."

"That's the display department."

"With a flashlight."

"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."

"So had the stairs."

"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"

"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard'."

Basically my view is, for close friends and family at least, but not obviously for Facebook groups,: you genuinely want people to attend, you let them know and if they haven't responded you let them know another way. If you just want to make it look like you've made the effort but aren't that bothered you stick it up on Facebook and don't check who's accepted the invites...

On an almost related note, I have finally convinced my mum to stop texting me each time she sends me an email to let me know she's emailed me and what the email's about...

[Trethowan]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufufufufufufufu... Yes. yes yes yes... *insert the flailing of hands*

I had a Facebook as soon as Myspace started to phase out, around 2008 I think. Yes, that's right. So it was cool at first because it was convenient and a fun new way to keep up with people. But then it became the lazy way to keep up with people. Actual face to face relationship building faded. Conversation started to die cause people have posted their updates. There wasn't much to talk about. It ruined time with friends. Then it became a way for people to post stupidly annoying political and religious snark comments. Then people would argue over it. I'd get sucked into these stupid arguments. It was so stressful I had to quit. So in September 2012 I dropped Facebook completely. Then suddenly people were all annoyed that they didn't know what I was up to. "We never hear from you anymore." Well, call me if you want to know. I found that culling out the acquaintances made my fewer but deeper real friendships easier to maintain. The friends I have do stuff with me in the physical face-to-face realm. It's nice.

The original reason I created my new Facebook (see le link) was to keep up with Junkspot's contests and events because the Junkyspot FB page killed the forum. Killed it dead, man. DEAD. But then I started friending all the doll people I'd met through Junkyspot and here and it occurred to me that I love keeping up with you guys via FB. (hence my signature link so you can find me if you want to.)

Facebook has become an extension of forum-built relationships. We can't face-to-face cause you're spread all over the globe so I don't consider FB a lazy means to communicate. I only refriended 4 of my original "real world" friend people because they're doll collectors and always post positive stuff so it's not political drama non-stop. You know that's just sad but with dolls and geekiness as a focus it's easier to ignore the politics and snarky comments and I've noticed that you doll folk post the most fun, geeky, and interesting content. It's made Facebook fun again. I've met and connected with writers and doll collectors I'd not have met otherwise, so it's awesome. I love it.

I'm getting off topic to your original post. But yes, the "facebook invitations" were just annoying to me. It isn't right to just assume everyone has it and/or will see the post. And nobody should feel guilty for not attending a thing that they weren't even personally invited to. To me, that's just rude.

LOL @ the email / text thing. That's too funny.

[Kirahfaye]

I'm sorry, but assuming "everyone" saw your event or post on FB and not verifying it is like assuming "everyone" received their invitation in the mail and not following up if you don't get an RSVP. You can't blame the recipient if they never received the invitation.

[kenaiqueen]

Kirahfaye said it perfectly. I would only add that I would call up Uncle and give him a huge piece of my mind for making my mom feel badly when it's HIS fault. But that's me.

Being the black sheep in a family of 9 kids, I am the last to hear anything, if at all and it's been a lifelong pattern. (Example: I was not told my godchild had been born until 3 days after the event.) I try to just shrug it off and live my life. I'm sure that when my oldest sister (who will be 70 on Sunday) passes on, I will never hear from/about any of my siblings. At one time, I did expend much energy trying to stay connected with family and it was fruitless so I have given up for the most part.

I am on FB mostly so I can see what some of my family is up to. I am not friends with the ones who only want to discuss politics or say offensive homophobic/racist things. The ones I am 'friends' with rarely comment on any of my posts so I'm still getting ignored. On the up side, I play one FB game that is fun and a good memory exercise for my brain.

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

So in September 2012 I dropped Facebook completely. Then suddenly people were all annoyed that they didn't know what I was up to. "We never hear from you anymore." Well, call me if you want to know. I found that culling out the acquaintances made my fewer but deeper real friendships easier to maintain. The friends I have do stuff with me in the physical face-to-face realm. It's nice.

The original reason I created my new Facebook (see le link) was to keep up with Junkspot's contests and events because the Junkyspot FB page killed the forum. Killed it dead, man. DEAD. But then I started friending all the doll people I'd met through Junkyspot and here and it occurred to me that I love keeping up with you guys via FB. (hence my signature link so you can find me if you want to.)

I dropped Facebook for a while, and I had a couple of people complain that they'd now never know what I was up to. I found that very amusing given that then, as now, I hardly ever posted anything...

Oh - I've sent you a friend request. It'll be from a bright pink face with brown hair.

[Trethowan]

So in September 2012 I dropped Facebook completely. Then suddenly people were all annoyed that they didn't know what I was up to. "We never hear from you anymore." Well, call me if you want to know. I found that culling out the acquaintances made my fewer but deeper real friendships easier to maintain. The friends I have do stuff with me in the physical face-to-face realm. It's nice.

The original reason I created my new Facebook (see le link) was to keep up with Junkspot's contests and events because the Junkyspot FB page killed the forum. Killed it dead, man. DEAD. But then I started friending all the doll people I'd met through Junkyspot and here and it occurred to me that I love keeping up with you guys via FB. (hence my signature link so you can find me if you want to.)

I dropped Facebook for a while, and I had a couple of people complain that they'd now never know what I was up to. I found that very amusing given that then, as now, I hardly ever posted anything...

Oh - I've sent you a friend request. It'll be from a bright pink face with brown hair.

haha... it will be accepted by a My Little Pony Ivan. :-p

[quidam]

Okay, not feeling so bad about my opinions now. Though I really would love to hear the other side, it sounds like the other side might not be hanging around here.

I would only add that I would call up Uncle and give him a huge piece of my mind for making my mom feel badly when it's HIS fault.

lol, not quite within my personality to do things like that. I tend to be overly nice. Plus, my mom and uncle are twins, and as she puts it, he was trying to rule her since before they were even born. While she was fussed, she also got over it fairly quickly once she realized he was just trying to be king of the world again. heck, the meaning of his name actually translates as "King", so I guess it's hard not to be self-centered when you've been the king since the day you were born.

have to say, planning an event on just one social media site, unless everyone knows in advance that's where events are going to be planned and so make a habit of checking in regularly (and are or are happy to be members of said site) reminds me a bit of this from Hitchhikers' Guide to The Galaxy...

Haha! I love that part of the book, and, yeah, it certainly sounds like the same mindset!

[Jobee]

There's a thing on Facebook where you can send invitations, and it will tell you who hasn't responded to your invitation. The uncle should have used that.

Personally, I dragged my feet getting into Facebook because Myspace was very filthy, but I live far away from most of my family, so getting daily updates from them, no matter how silly, is really nice.