Hang on a minute, y'all. *puts on her bill cap backwards and hitches up her britches* Time for some Southern-fried education.
(Most of these aren't mine, but all of them are true.)
You know you're from southern Alabama when...
--You have a party whenever Alabama plays Auburn in football.
--You go to Gulf Shores every summer.
--The supermarket doesn't have shopping carts. It has buggies.
--You can properly pronounce the following Alabama towns: Arab, Belle Fontaine, Coden, Eufaula, Opelika, Bayou La Batre, Wetumpka, and Mobile.*
--You think that people who complain about the heat and humidity in other states are pussies.
--You can find rental movies, groceries, ammunition, and live bait all in the same store.
--You measure distance in minutes and hours.
--You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "AC' in the same day.
--You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
--If a single snowflake falls, the town is paralyzed for three days, and it's on the local news as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. All grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer, and people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" t-shirts. Not to mention, that all the schools will be closed at even the slightest possible chance of snow.
--Your directions include "when you see the Waffle House" or "turn on the dirt road".
--You say "sir" or "ma'am" if there's even a chance someone is thirty seconds older than you.
--You are willing to throw your body over a police barricade and into the gutter in front of a large oncoming vehicle to retrieve a plastic cup, a smushed moon pie, and/or a string of shiny plastic beads during Mardi Gras, which we all know originated in Mobile.
--A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel cloud. Unless it's 9:00 AM on a Wednesday morning, because that's when they test it.
--You know everything tastes better with Ranch salad dressing.
--You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
--Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the only doughnuts worth having.
--You know at least one Junior, and possibly a few guys named Bubba. (I personally know a man in his 60s called Doodle-bug.)
--You don't assume the car with the blinker light on is actually going to turn in the foreseeable future.
* For the curious, in order: AY-rab, BEL-fount-en, coh-DEN, you-FALL-uh, OH-peh-LIKE-uh, BOLL-uh-BAT-tree, wee-TUMP-kuh, and moh-BEEL.